LIFESTORY

Questions to ask your grandparents

50 questions, grouped by the chapters of a life. Start anywhere. Most families only need two or three to get an afternoon of stories.

How to ask

Ask one question at a time

Pick a chapter, ask a single question and wait. Silence is usually someone looking for the memory, so give them a few seconds before you rephrase.

Record a voice note

Your phone already does it. Press record, set it on the table and put your own eyes on them rather than the screen. A voice note keeps the laugh, the pause and the way they say a name, which a typed summary loses.

Let them skip

Some questions touch grief or things a person decided long ago to leave alone. Say up front that any question can be passed over, and move on without comment when it is. They will often come back to it later by themselves.

Follow what they say

The best question is usually the next one. If they mention a cousin, ask who the cousin was. If they say it was cold, ask what the cold felt like. A prepared list is only there to start.

Keep it short

Twenty minutes with one or two chapters is plenty. Come back another day for the rest.

Roots

Where they come from, and the people who were there before them.

  1. Where were you born, and what do you remember about the house?
  2. What did your parents do for a living?
  3. What was the name of the street or village you grew up in, and who lived next door?
  4. What do you know about your own grandparents?
  5. Is there a family name or nickname with a story behind it?
  6. What was dinner like at your house when you were small?
  7. Which relative did everyone talk about?

Childhood

Small details come back quickly when you ask about a smell or a game.

  1. What did you do after school?
  2. What was your favourite game, and who did you play it with?
  3. Do you remember your first day of school?
  4. What did you get in trouble for?
  5. Which teacher do you still think about?
  6. What was the best present you ever got as a child?
  7. What did you want to be when you grew up?
  8. Is there a song from those years you can still sing?

Love

Ask gently. Some people love this chapter and some keep it close.

  1. How did you and Grandpa (or Grandma) meet?
  2. What did you notice about them first?
  3. Where was your first date, and what did you wear?
  4. How did you know you wanted to marry them?
  5. What was your wedding day like?
  6. What did your families think?
  7. What is the kindest thing your partner ever did for you?
  8. What have you learned about staying together?

Writing the answers down as you go is hard. Lifestory keeps each story with the people in it, and the waitlist is open. Join the waitlist

A new place

Many families have a story of leaving somewhere. It is often the one nobody has heard in full.

  1. Have you ever moved somewhere you had never been? What made you go?
  2. What did you pack?
  3. What was the first week like?
  4. What did you miss most about home?
  5. Who helped you when you arrived?
  6. What surprised you about the new place?
  7. When did it start to feel like home?

Work

Jobs hold the stories about money, pride and the people they met along the way.

  1. What was your first job, and how much did it pay?
  2. What did a normal day look like?
  3. Who was the best boss you had? The worst?
  4. What is the hardest thing you ever had to do at work?
  5. What are you proudest of building or finishing?
  6. Did you ever want to do something different?
  7. What do you wish young people knew about work?

Family

How they raised their own children, and how they see you.

  1. What do you remember about the day my parent was born?
  2. What was the hardest part of raising children?
  3. Which family tradition did you start, and which did you inherit?
  4. What recipe should we never lose, and who taught it to you?
  5. What was the best holiday we had as a family?
  6. What do you remember about me as a baby?
  7. What did the house smell like on a Sunday?

What they want remembered

Save these for when they are relaxed. The answers are often short and worth keeping.

  1. What is the best decision you ever made?
  2. Is there something you would do differently?
  3. What was the happiest year of your life?
  4. Who do you miss, and what would you say to them?
  5. What do you hope we will remember about you?
  6. What would you like to tell the grandchildren who are not born yet?

Common questions

What are good questions to ask your grandparents?

Open questions about specific moments work best: how they met their partner, what their first job paid, what they packed when they moved. This page lists 50, grouped by chapter of a life.

How do I get a grandparent to open up?

Ask about something concrete, like a street, a song or a meal, rather than a big question about their life. Ask one thing at a time, leave room for silence and follow what they say.

How do I record my grandparents' stories?

Use the voice recorder on your phone. Put it on the table, ask one question at a time and keep the recording going. A voice note keeps their voice, which a written summary cannot.

What if my grandparent does not want to answer?

Say at the start that any question can be skipped, and move on without fuss when they skip one. They may return to it later.

Keep what they tell you

Lifestory helps a family keep its stories. Type a memory, say it out loud, or leave a voice note, and each story is kept with the people in it. It is private to the family you invite.

We are opening to a few families at a time.

Join the waitlist